Movie sex is not the same as real life sex.
There are a lot of ways in which we wish our lives were a bit more cinematic. Who doesn’t want to have that perfect meet-cute with the love of their life? However, movies can be super unrealistic and we get it, we wouldn’t want to watch the reality of our lives on the big screen either but there is a line and that line is sex.
The way in which sex is portrayed in movies is so unrealistic that we find ourselves in just a constant state of an eye roll.
Women Always Having A Bra On
Who actually wears a bra before, during and after sex? We mean come on, it’s hard enough wearing a bra all day long at work...now you want us to wear one while we’re getting our bit? Hmm, we don’t think so.
Nobody Ever Goes For A Wee
Is there no such thing as a UTI in movieland? Everyone knows peeing right after sex cleanses your urethra from harmful post-intercourse bacteria which is way more important than just staring longingly at one another.
The Magical Sheet
Okay so we get it, there has to be a sheet covering the woman’s chest because god forbid we see her nipples but we have a whole other beef with how that same bedsheet magically transforms into the perfect dress while she sneaks out of the bed to get dressed.
Taking Your Clothes Off
Ever notice how in movies, the woman just stands there as the man with just one hand motion makes her dress drop to the floor? We don’t about you but taking our clothes off is a lot more complicated. Our arms get tangled, our hair gets caught and we usually need him to tug at our jeans in order to get them off.
Sexy Lingerie, Always
Now don’t get us wrong, if we have a date and we’re hoping it’s going to end the bedroom, we’ll make the effort and match our bra with our pants. We're not monsters but our problem is when the sex is spontaneous and the woman just happens to have perfectly matching lingerie. Do women in movies not own any granny pants?
Shower Sex Not Being Problematic In The Slightest
Anyone that has ever tried to have shower sex will no doubt have some rage towards Hollywood. In movies, it looks exciting, sensual and passionate but in reality, it’s awkward, uncomfortable and kinda dangerous.
The Morning After
If you’re someone that wakes up looking flawless after sex, we applaud you but for us, we tend to wake up looking like we’ve been dragged through a bush. Our hair is what birds would mistake as their home and any trace of mascara has now bled down our cheeks.