It's like ghosting, but worse.
me: thank you for the 10-day free trial— karen (@vibeahoIic) September 27, 2018
Whether you've been the 'ghost-er' or the 'ghost-ee', we've all suffered the cruel dating phenomenon that is ghosting. You know, how you're talking to someone, you go on a couple of dates, you hook up and then all of a sudden, they disappear.
There's no nasty breakup or a 'we need to talk' kind of chat, they just stop replying to your messages with no rhyme or reason. You're left feeling confused and hurt and you'll never get the closure you deserve.
Sure, it's an easy way to end things when you're just no longer feeling it. You don't have to that awkward chat about how it's just not working but let's be real, it's also cowardly AF. It's really not that difficult to let someone you've been casually dating know you want things to end.
Just when we thought dating in the modern era couldn't get any worse...there's a new dating trend in town. 2019 is the year for "orbiting" and no, we're not talking about the moon or some kind of spiritual exploration into the abyss.
Urban Dictionary defines orbiting as:
"When the person who ghosted you, contines to linger in your life by watching every single one of your Instagram stories and liking/commenting on your social media posts."
AKA, pure torture.
Not only have they ghosted you but they stay in your orbit by keeping tabs on you despite not wanting a relationship with you. Talk about mixed signals. If you notice a potential bae is "orbiting" you, you might feel tempted to send them a message. Top tip: DON'T, they had their chance. They chose to vanish from your life and it's not your fault that you're utterly irresistible.
So why do people do it? Are they trying to keep their options open in case the person they ghosted you for...ghosts them back? Have they a serious case of FOMO? Are they just nosy? It could be all of the above but chances are it's one of three reasons:
1. It's a total power move. They like being in control, they were the one to end things and they enjoy the idea of being able to start things back up as quickly as they ended them.
2. They have got a serious case of FOMO-OY (fear of missing out on you). You're a catch and while they've decided things between the two of you can't go any further, they're still intrigued.
3. They're a f*ckboy. They want to keep their options open...with every girl they encounter. They're more than happy to sleep with you but the idea of engaging in conversation with you is too much for them to handle. That selfie they just liked is their equivalent of a 'u up?' text.
Oh, and it's also worth noting that it's not just past lovers that can orbit you. Given that pretty much everyone from your 65-year-old uncle to your best friend's cat is on social media these days, you can be orbited by pretty much anyone.
You know how you asked your friend if she wanted to meet for drinks last week and how she saw the message but never replied? Well, you now know something tragic didn't happen because she left a fire emoji under your latest selfie. Hey, maybe she just forgot?
Sadly, there's not a whole lot you can do to defeat orbiters bar hitting that "block" button.
Now that we've learned about orbiting, we'd rather be ghosted. At least when someone ghosts you, you know where their head is at.